[percussive background music] Burnie: Last season on The Gauntlet, hundreds of gamers competed for $10,000. (contestants singing a song for Rock Band) All across the country, we selected nineteen gamers. They were divided into teams and pitted against one another in the Gauntlet arena. They were all brutally murdered until one lucky survivor, Tim, walked away with $10,000 and most of his fingers. This year on The Gauntlet, we have four all-new teams facing off in a competition that’s unlike anything you’ve seen before. Joel: Unless you saw the first season.
Burnie: Right. Then it might look a little similar. But this year, our winner walks away with a whopping no dollars. Joel: Really?
Burnie: Yeah, that’s my favorite part, actually.
Joel: That’s nice. Burnie: Get ready to prepare yourself for-
Joel: To be prepared for- Burnie: The Gauntlet Season Two.
Joel: the second season of- Burnie and Joel: The Gauntlet. Burnie: Joel, stop-
Joel: The Gauntlet!
Burnie: Stop pushing me. Joel, stop pushing me, stop- [The Gauntlet theme music plays] Joel: Are those the opening graphics?
Burnie: Yes. Joel: Those are terrible.
Burnie: And they’re completely awesome. Hey, guys, how’s it going? Welcome to season two of The Gauntlet. My name is Burnie Burns, and this is my lovely assistant, Mr. Joel Heyman. Joel: Hi, I’m Joel, not his assistant but very lovely. Burnie: Absolutely my assistant, I was here first. Okay, here’s the way it’s gonna work this season, it’s a little different. This year, we’re going to have a team of four lucky contestants from the community squaring off against one team from Rooster Teeth, one team from Achievement Hunter, and a team of special celebrity guests. Joel: We’ll also be fielding a team of idiots and morons from the Island of Stupid- oh, no, wait, we already introduced the Rooster Teeth team. It was a joke.
Burnie: It was a good one. In order to build our community team, we have come here to RTX in Austin, Texas where over 10,000 gamers and online video fanatics have gathered from all across the world and America. Joel: Even parts of Alabama.
Burnie: Even Alabama. Crowd: (chanting) RTX! (crowd cheers) Burnie: And thanks to our friends at Verizon, attendees will be able to compete at The Gauntlet booth for their chance to prove themselves against thousands of other hopefuls. When it’s their turn, they’re going to select to play one of four games: Battleblock Theater, Geometry Wars, Trials Evolution, or ‘Splosion Man. If, at the end of the day, an attendee has the highest score for that game, then they will progress to the next round of the competition on the RTX center stage. Joel: Unless they’re from Alabama, in which case they’ll be disqualified immediately. Burnie: Even if they are from Alabama. You seem really hung up on Alabama today. Joel: Contract. Burnie: Nope. No contract. Nothing about Alabama.
Joel: Legal department said it was okay. Burnie: Roll time. [crowd cheering, upbeat background music] Alex Olberding: I may seem calm and quiet most of the time, but once I get involved in a game, I go pretty crazy. Just flipping out. Announcer: 3, 2, 1, go! [background music, crowd noise] It was pretty fun. What is this? Ohhh! Blaz Poscrnga: I’ve never felt more anxious in my life. Stan Lewis: This is my fourth time in line trying to compete today. Michael Keefe: Gonna probably get knocked out, but, y’know. Burnie: At The Gauntlet station, our finalists from Season One are there to help guide the fresh meat towards their goal.
Thomas Munos: Suck it! Burnie: Which I realize sounds pornographic, but it’s not. It’s a gaming thing. Thomas: Time to beat some ass! Hello, ladies! Trying to get on The Gauntlet this year, I see. Paige Houghton: That wasn’t creepy at all.
Claudia Houghton: No, not at all. Announcer: 3! 2! 1! Go! Burnie: Okay, well, I thought it would be fun to sit down and talk with Tim from Season One of The Gauntlet. Tim, you were the big winner in season one, is that right? Tim Aplin: Yes.
Burnie: All right, great, well, thanks for coming in. Get out! Black shirt: Yo, RTX is going strong I’m in this competition, I’m going long This is over, I’m the winner, see you later, I’m going to dinner. Green shirt: Peace. Burnie: Well, our attendees are doing so poorly in the competition we had to call out one of our big guns. So one of our celebrity guests, Mr. Freddie W, has come out to help inspire and motivate our competitors. Joel: Joel transition! Freddie: Good afternoon, losers in line. I’ll be accepting bribes at this point and this point only, so please have your wallets out. Oh, you’re way ahead, you’re winning this one. Burnie: With hundreds and hundreds competing, the scores have become increasingly hard to beat. Amber Portela: My legs are still, like, shaking from the excitement. Stan: They’re going in and out and in and out. As soon as they mess up even once, they drop the controller and they go right back to the end of the line. Burnie: Well, we’re down to the wire with precious little time left in the competition so, needless to say, tensions are running very high. Get off. [dramatic background music] Announcer: Four. Three. Two. One. Controllers down. [triumphant fanfare] Sean Taylor: What- oh! 137! I’m saying it might’ve been pure luck. And I’m hoping not, don’t get me wrong. Like, I’m like, y’know- No, I’m amazing at video games. Fantastic. Love ’em. Pretty much the best. Swear to God, I almost excreted over there. Thomas: I have been cheering for you since yesterday! He’s (Vincent Cote’s) finally in, I know he’s a winner. This guy – this guys’ serious business. Burnie: Out of thousands of hopefuls- Out of thousands of hopefuls, seventeen gamers arose from the absolute crap of the others. [dramatic background music begins] Joel: The gamers’ skill was matched only that by their ability to win at games. Burnie: Now coming up in round two, these seventeen gaming warriors are going to take to the RTX center stage. The losers will be escorted out by armed security. Joel: How long will the contestants last?
Burnie: How long can they survive the torture? Joel: Will the hosts be able to continually seamlessly transition from one segment to the next? Burnie: Find out next time on the- (groans) Goddammit. Host: It’s gonna be free-for-all, first to 25. Making up some kills… Contestant: Ready to go up there and ready to kill it. Host: (singing) My bonny lies over the sea… You can sing too. Sing, sing along. Joel: For every question you get right, you get a point. What’s an ocarina? Contestant: Something Legend of Zelda. Joel: Something in Legend of Zelda. Is it an axe? [Rooster Teeth end card plays]