Welcome to season two of Social Disorder! It’s the show where Chris and I create elaborate social experiments, and compete with one another for points, and bragging rights. But this season is different! This season you, the audience, decides who wins. Yes, in this episode, we are teaching a yoga class except for we each came up with each other’s lesson plans, and each other’s outfits. So it was horribly, horribly embarrassing. I hope you enjoy. [in soothing tone] Namaste everyone, namaste. Alright, a little about me. I am Yogi… Sheet Myacara Ma Ka Johnson. I’ve been a Yogi for 8 years, 9 years. But just in this life. Typically we practice, you know, in the nude but I don’t want to weird you guys out, of course. Let’s just get back into this meditative pose. Alright! Good morning! Uh, so when I first started, I used to party all the time. Constantly drunk, uh, just sleeping around. I was just a mess. And I started doing yoga, and I think it made me a better person. We’re gonna just sit down, gonna lay forward, you’re gonna lay your forehead down, and then breathe in, and then breathe out. Breathe in, [beer cracks open] and then breathe out. There you go. How’s that feel for everyone? Alright. I want you to bring your palms, bring them back, shoulder-width apart. looking up, you’re just creating a direct line from the mouth, through the anus. You may pass gas, and that’s okay. We’re all adults. Does anyone feel the need to pass gas? Sir if- in the green, if you need to. I don’t hear anything. Breathe in! [breathes in] [breathes out] Release that. [fart noise] Alright. Just breathe in. Okay everyone, we’re going to reset. Don’t let your worries bother you. [cracks open another beer] Fingers extended. You’re going to raise your hands like this, It’s like a ‘Y’. Now you’re going to put your arms like this Like an ‘M’. Now go like this, looks like a ‘C’. You should feel that in your shoulders. And then go up like this. Like an ‘A’. Alright, let’s keep doing that! Do another 30 “YMCA”s. [while breathing heavy] Yeah, deep breathe. Deep breathing. Okay, if you guys are familiar with cow pose. We’re looking down, and then we’re looking up at the ceiling. Just like that. I like to think in my 3rd previous life, that I was a cow. I have a little grass. And if anyone wants grass, just come up and take the grass. [Mooing] [cracks another beer open] How’s that feel? Good? It’s all about relaxing, making sure you’re comfortable. [coughs] Excuse me. One thing I found, is that it’s important to relax while you’re doing yoga. Alright! Now I’m gonna hand each of you a baby. Here you go. Ladies, here you are! Alright, here you are! Let’s do 5 of these. Everyone get into position. You’re almost gonna get light-headed. [heavy breathing] Do you feel the baby coming out? You’re pulling the baby, everyone breathing! Everyone pull, take the baby out! The baby, give that baby a spank. Everyone feel relaxed? Everyone feel comfortable? Everyone turn around a little. Everyone do a 180. Now put your hands on your knees, kay? And you’re just gonna go like this, alright? Some people, uh they, can’t handle… yoga. Now we’re getting into advanced techniques Gonna have a little oil here. (we’re) trying to eliminate friction. We try to eliminate friction in our lives, right? Whoa, okay, step forward, and reach This is good for the core. And then reach to the top! Awh, man. Alright, let’s get back up! You always get back up. Everyone shake. Come on everyone, do it together! You guys can’t handle it? Everyone just shake. Come on guys, come on guys. This is a… unique method. Please stick around for the entire class, I’d really appreciate it. Get my stuff here, whoop! Ugh. Okay, does anyone know what mayonnaise is made of? That’s wrong. This is made of energy. Like all of us are made of energy, right? We’re just gonna slather this on… And you can transfer your negative energy to this Kraft mayonnaise. That is chilly! Uh, can I get a volunteer? Anyone up for volunteering? I will. Uh, okay! Now the thing about yoga is, it helps your liver. It helps your process, okay? So, if you can help me? Ready, shoot! Could someone- yes, please. Okay. One, two, three- oh come on! Oh come on! Kay, left hand, to the left hip. Just rotate that around. Like you’re stirring up a bowl of salad. [chanting “yeah” together] Macarena! [coughing] [gag] Alright, everyone let’s return into mouth n’ foot Alright. Here’s what we’ve been going after with this class. What is this? This is your enemy. This is your enemy! What happens when you bite into this? This is a habanero pepper. It’s only spicy if you can’t convert that energy out. So, I should be able to take a bite of this, and it won’t effect me at all. [opens another beer] I want everyone to sit here. Legs crossed, we’re gonna relax. One thing I’ve learned about yoga, is that it helps you deal with all manner of things. Doing yoga has helped me deal with being homeless. It’s like I’m at peace with my mind, I don’t need traditional places to live! Who here feels the same? Thank you. The habanero is hot to most, if not all, but I’ll take a bite of it, I won’t be effected. [coughing] Does anyone have a couch I can crash on tonight? Does anyone? I’ll just go for the night, and I’ll leave in the morning. Would you care if I crashed on your couch tonight. Anyone? [gagging] [burps] See I’m converting it- [gags] [burp] Okay! If you follow “De Marquis” you will conquer. What is yoga about? It’s about conquering your enemies. Can I crash on your couch tonight? Please? Is that okay? Oh, you won’t even know I’m there. You’re all free to go. Are there any questions? Do you put mayo on your body, every time you do yoga? Yeah. High fives. Y’all were great. High fives from everyone. I’m gonna need to get your address. So now that you’ve seen the episode, we want YOU to tell us who you think should win! Right. We want you to use the hashtag #voteaaron, or #votechris on social media And we’ll calculate the results, and then next week we’ll announce the winner! So be sure to subscribe, and also watch other Social Disorder right here. What are you pointing at? Next time on Social Disorder: Aaron and I each buy a booth at a pet expo. “Puppy prophylactics over here!” Unfortunately we’ll be pitching pet products that the other person has designed. And what Aaron doesn’t know is that I also signed him up for an on-stage presentation. “Oh sh*t.” And if you like Social Disorder and want to support the show, you can can get a brand new Social Disorder T-Shirt. Look how pretty it is. And if you’re a sponsor you get 5% off! That’s pretty cool. God d*mmit! Why did you moon- why did you moon me? I’m trying to record VO!