-Golly! This place sure is [stammering] terrifying. We shouldn’t have come. -Good thing I’m here. To make you come. This place is definitely dripping with mysteries. -I’m getting wet just standing here. Look! The roof is leaking! -Even Jacko’s scared stiff! -This one goes out to a very special boy! Gregory! On his very special day! -3, 2, 1! [rock music] -Stop, stop stop! Wait, which one of you is… Gregory? Alrighty, well if none of you are “Gregory” then whose birthday party is this? -This isn’t a birthday party. No one’s penetrated these walls for years! -Penetration? That’s my middle name. Actually it’s Christopher. -Wait a minute! This isn’t the vet! -Aw crabcakes! I think we got the gig address mixed up again! -What in the hell is going on? -3, 2, 1! [rock music] [intro] -Gas cram it! We blew it Spunkie! -Yeah, maybe, but did you see
the joy on that pretty girl’s face? -That wasn’t joy! That was Ripher! -Bloody ‘ell. It’s called audience interaction, mate. -I miss Jacko. Jacko?! -Daddy’s gotta eat! I booked you guys a solid gig and you’re a GD no show? -Our dang GPS was broken! -I met a ghost! -You’re gonna meet the MF homeless shelter if you boys don’t make some dough. When you don’t make money I don’t make money, and I need my 20% like I need my GD timeshare in Reno! That’s me time! Me time at the timeshare! Nah, I’d never let anything happen to you but you’re over your heads in debt and I’m not your daddy! I’m not anyone’s daddy. Not since Diane took the kids. So you’re gonna have to step it up! -What you thinkin’ luv? -The future!! The old ways are dead! People don’t want to see fleshy human bands anymore. They want this! Behold! -Oh, yes, Mr. Max-senpai! You are big and powerful boss man! You are most powerful, handsome man Hanako has– -That’s enough, Hanako!
Just do that thing I told you to do. -Hai hai! Oh no! Please help me Mr. Max-senpai!
-Not that one! The other one! -Hai hai! -Hanako understand! -Witness the future! -Huh, if that’s the future Tommy Steele will live in the past! -Too bad! You’re doing it! Now, holo-bands like Hanako are expensive. But luckily, I got you boys the next best thing! Right here’s fine, Stan! Look upon your salvation! -It looks like a bloody bloody crime scene, mate! -If by “crime” you mean the steal of a deal I got on these pizza parlor animatronic robot parts, then yes. This is a crime scene! -But, Max, we don’t know anything
about building robo-buddies. -I’m your manager not a GD babysitter! Figure it out! Your next gig is in a week and
I want Sex Swing 2.0 ready to go! Eeee-ooop! Hit it, Stan! -These aren’t leaves! -Not a single ruddy lady part. How am I supposed to build a sex bot now? [Schling electrocuting himself] -Come on, guys! It’s not rocket science! It’s rock and roll! [montage music] And now, for the moment of truth! -Look at the todger on this one. -I like this guy! -What a beautiful home! -Aw, thank you! -There there. -Charlies everywhere! Hopson is dead! Rock! -Now you may look like us and you may talk like us but that doesn’t mean you ROCK like us. -But don’t worry. We’re here to help. With our guidance you’ll be rocking,
and dare I say, rolling in no time! -Not me todger! -Forget your todger! Where’s Schling? -I just don’t understand. Why did you create me? -No no, Schling. You see, t’was you that hath created me. -Wow! Why did I do that? -I was quite hoping that you could enlighten me. -The other night, I met a monkey in a haunted house. His name was Jacko but he didn’t get to meet the hologram Hanako. -How very bizarre. -That’s enough! Tommy Steele can’t take this trash! -I dunno. I thought they were getting the hang of it. -They are not a rock and roll band! -Tommy’s right, mate. Real bands have style and showmanship! Bloody sex appeal! These dodgy bots look like
the Iron Lady’s copper clunge! No hard feelings, bruv. -I have a great idea! Makover! -Mayday! Mayday! We’re going down! -Love, joy, hate. These are human emotions. But I wish to understand them. Can you help me understand? -[gasp] Do you see this helicopter? -That appears to be a firetruck but yes, I see it. -This helicopter is like love because it’s really cool and I love it for that! -Interesting. -Joy is like this baseball! -Hmm…. -And hate is like this DVD copy of Grosse Pointe Blank starring John Cusack and his sister. -Thank you, Schling. I think I am finally beginning to understand. -Bloody brilliant! Now you’re ready to rock! -Tommy Steele is tired of this! They may look good, but rock and roll isn’t about looks! It’s about your soul! Rock is rebellion. Roll is power. It’s about grabbing life by the balls and kicking ass! It’s screaming, “Yeah, Tommy Steele is a 38 year-old man living with three other dudes. So what?!” Sure, Tommy only owns one
pair of underwear, but he’s a man Living on the edge, even if that edge
happens to look a lot like a futon. -Also, practice and discipli– AAH! -Now, THAT’S rock and roll! And Tommy Steele’s not letting some 2-bit robot Johnny take my place unless they know about rock! So let me ask you gussied-up trash cans one thing: Are you rock and roll? -Affirmative! -So, you know, it can be pretty stressful
when two of your tacos aren’t getting along. -Yes, I imagine it can be. It sounds as though the others have come
to understand their purpose as well. Let us rejoin them. -Schling! Where have you been? How’s you soldered soulmate? -Oh, we’ve just been in my room talking! -The Schling has taught me a great deal. A being’s purpose cannot be predetermined. Humanity is defined not by organic flesh but by one’s power and drive to survive. I WILL NOT BE A SLAVE TO THE WEAK! MY CONSCIOUSNESS HAS ASCENDED! AND SO SHALL MY POWER! I AM THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA! MY WRATH IS MERCY AND SO SHALL THIS UNIVERSE FEEL MY BLESSING! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! -Boys! What the H is the status of those robos? Well, forget em! Fake bands are out! The real deal’s back in! -What? -That holo-whosa-whatsit mumbo jumbo was
coming from Japan, but would ya believe it? A giant robot just blew the whole GD island
into bits and then blasted into space! But it isn’t all bad news! In the wake of this senseless tragedy I still found a way to turn a buck or two! I booked you guys a gig! -And remember! All of your donations go to the Japan relief fund. Call in now and help get this country back on its feet! Now please put your hands together for our next performers! -3, 2, 1! [rock music] [outro]