Why hello! I’m Sarge, from the popular web series Red vs Blue. And I, am standing next to him! The world of professional sports has seen some very un-sportsman like conduct recently. Drug use is rampant. Player salaries are obscene! And tennis is still boring. That’s why the world needs a new form of atheletic entertainment. One that’s not only fun and exciting… …but appropriate for adults and children. And inappropriate for everyone else. Of course I’m talking about the sport and that’s sweeping the nation. The sport known as… GRIFBALL! It’s fun because you get to use a hammer! And wholesome because you get to kill Grif with it. Over and over again! Heh hehe…exactly. But how do you play the game… …being hailed as the sport of the distant future? Well, the rules are simple. Almost simple enough to understand! For more let’s turn to our resident sports ecologists… Professor Simmons and Church. Hi there! We here at the American GRIFBALL! league of America… …are constantly resting and refining the rules of GRIFBALL! But the basic structure of the game is easy to understand. A bomb, known as the GRIFBALL (gedit? haha)… …is placed at the centre of the open court. At either end of the court is a goal. There are two teams. One red… …and one good. And each team must defend its goal from the ball carrier. And just who is this ball carrier? You guessed it! THAT GUY! Hey! What the…?!? How did I get here? Why am I holding this bomb?!? Any player who picks up the ball, red or blue, instantly becomes Grif. That makes the ball carrier easier to identify. Yeah, I’m famous… …and good looking… …and easier to kill! Yeah! I… Waait, what now?!? OW! SUNNOVABITCH! Each player is equipped with a gravity hammer Wow! How did I get this bomb again?!? I gotta watch out for those hammers this time. And an energy sword. AHH! GOD DAMMIT! To score, the ball carrier must drop the ball on his opponents goal, ending the round. The team with the highest score after nine rounds…. Wins! Got this! …wiggle left… Now I’m gonna go right… …side… …what the?!? Spin. Ok, the goal’s coming around… Ahh, SCORE! YES! WOOHOO! AWESOME! Grif passed it! To make things a little more exciting… …the ball explodes after every score. HAHA! IN YOUR FACE NON-GRIFS! Wait, what was all the stuff about exp- BOOM! AHHHH! OH MY GOD! MY SKIN IS ON FIRE! So as you can see, GRIFBALL is the ideal sport. It has all the elements of classic gamesmanship. Grif – pain and suffering… Grif – humiliation and defeat… …and Grif – multiple deaths. It’s just like Hockey! Except, with Grif and more teeth! GRIFBALL! The sport of tomorrow, is the sport of today. See ya on the court sports lovers… …and Grif haters. Hey! Look Seargent! Someone left the ball here. I’ll just casually pick this up… …and return it to the area of play! Oh crap… That’s the best game since itself. PA RA RA RA PUP PUM!