Dinoman GO! *rocket noises* Get in there Rex, get in the fucking car. Look at that. I can already fly why do I need a flying car? SPEED BOOST! Fresh Meat and Flow Rider. Let’s go to Fresh Meat. So this is JumpJet Rex. It’s a side-scrolling platformer game where you’re a fucking tyrannosaurus rex who’s got..I guess jet boots? and he’s jumping and he’s flying through space. Dude these lasers are easy! Look at this. Look at this! Ready? *jet boot noises* New personal best! Oh look I’m giving like a- like a peace sign. But he’s only got three fingers. That’s sad. Fuck you uhh I’ll grab that I’ll grab..What is that? I dunno. Oh shit! oop I’m dead. Go you beautiful son of a bitch. Oh get the coins. Get the fucking coins. I don’t know what they do but I WANT ‘EM GIVE ME ALL THE MONEY! GET THE GOLD. GET THE GOLD. I got one? I suck :c Sure I’ll just fucking..I’ll do whatever. Just put something in front of me I’ll do it. I’ll do it all. I’ll fuck everything. Goddammit. Ah FUCK! Oh look at this I’m fucking blasting through space. I’m like fucking space Sonic! Sonic wishes he was a fucking dinosaur you blue bastard. I am tearing through these planets! Look at this all I gotta do is get one or…one stars per level and I’m good to go! Look at this! I found a game that I can get to like more than the third level on! Ah FUCK! Why the fuck would you do that? Now this game is getting dangerous, I can’t mash buttons, I can’t just fly off the screen without knowing what’s coming next. It’s becoming what I like to call ”Bullshit”. Ugh, I fucking hate-I-I fucking hate timers, have I mentioned that I fucking hate timers? I don’t like ’em. Two more. Not-not two more timers. Two more rings- Oh Shit! Where is this last fucking ring?! There you are you asshole. Fuck you Ice World! *flying car sounds* Let’s do the GameBoy. I’m gonna fight the GameBoy. It says GBJ4M But that probably means
GameBoy. How did I not kill that guy? That’s bullshit. What are all these fucking things-FUCK YOU YOU FUCK! I donno what are all these little locks-OH COME ON! REALLY? Why are there fucking soda cans all over the place? What is this-What is this fucking space shit I keep knocking over? Fucking pick up your trash you litterbugs. This dinosaur is kinda being a piece of shit. You’d think being a fucking tyrannosaurus rex the guy could take a couple more hits. He seemed like he was pretty tough in Jurassic Park NOPE one fucking laser beam and you’re a pile ‘o ash. Go fuck yourself. Fuck You. You fuck I keep thinking I can beat the laser and I can’t beat it. But I keep fucking trying. Jesus Christ I need five more to get past this thing? Alright. Well I can get a solid one per level-AH FUCK! Not knowing where the rings are really sucks. Oh fuck-Fuck you! *Micheal mating call* Oooh hopefully there’s one more ring in front of me cuz I am not going backwards. There we go. Holy shit! I beat the time on that?! I died like seventeen times! Aaah I don’t know what you d-AAH SHIT! You had to get the coin asshole. Fuck! Look this is me utilizing the Y button. Look at me. Flyyyyyyyyyyy. Fucking Whore. Oh yeah! Now we got some jams. This is my intruder jam, I play this everytime someone tries to break into my home. Oh I’m dead. YOU FUCKING BITCH! Oh my god. I died so fa- AAAAHHHH Look at all my dead bodies. Look at ’em. I didn’t even realize they stacked up. Because I guess I haven’t died this many times in the same location. I died there, I died there, I died talking about when I died over there! Fuck! Right into it, Right the fuck-I’m dead on the laser. Atleast I had a fucking grave pre-dug for me-AGAIN! IT’S IN THE OTHER GRAVE! I’M IN BOTH FUCKING GRAVES! Alright so now that I’ve acquired sixteen stars I have enough to enter the Death Star. Gonna go ahead and do that. What is this a fucking Megaman boss? What is this shit? He’s got health?! What?! Ugh I do one fucking pellet at a time. FUUUUCK. Fucking Megaman X can charge his goddamn Mega Buster, can I like charge my Jet Boots or someshit? Hit me! Hit me! Well don’t actually hit me though. That would suck. Is he even losing one health per hit? God this is gonna fucking take forever. Oh god fuck the meteors I’m gonna be extinct from old age. Alright one more hit, one more hit come here asshole. *battle music* YEAH! Suck my fucking dinofumes *dinofume sound* OH MY GOD! WOW! I let go of the controller for one second and they almost drop me right in the electricity, you piece of shit. Oh look at all this. Holy shit, the meteor’s not even that far honestly. What do I need to fight it? Like a million stars? Can I just go there? No I guess not. I tried and the game said sure and then it said no. Can I just fight the yeti? I’ll just fight the fucking yeti fuck the game. Do I gotta*throwing noise*like throw it at him? Did that work did you get hit? *throwing noise* Okay alright well nothing happened but I am dead. *throwing noise*There you go! Right in yo fucking face. Right in yo FACE. Oh shit. Holy crap I’m actually doing pretty well against this guy-AH SHIT! Nevermind. Come on *throwing noise* There you go. That was considerably easier than the last boss. Ohohoh I’ll fucking zap ya. Oh no I guess I won’t. *dinosaur ashes fall to the ground* Really? It’s gonna be one of those? I gotta watch me die that long and then I-my corpse got a checkpoint. I fucking didn’t even get any of this shit up here! I missed the fucking ring. Don’t fucking checkpoint my dead body. OH MY GOD YOU GOT ENOUGH?! YOU GOT ENOUGH LASERS GOIN’ ON HERE?! Christ! Fuck you! Fucking goddamn asshole. Just get to the fucking top. Christ. I can’t even fight the fucking boss! I don’t know if he is in the game or I gotta like beat all the levels or whatever but that ain’t gonna happen. I’m not gonna fucking three star all this shit. I got to the end what more do you want from me? That’s an amazing feat. No one thought I’d do it, I’d sure as hell didn’t. Beat another level I deserve another fucking chocolate milk or something or the Endboss I wanna fucking fight the meteor! I wanna fight it! I gotta stop the fucking the things that are come-It’s gonna crash in to the planet and all the dinosaurs are gonna be DEAD. Just like it happened in real life. But we got a chance to go back in time and stop it. But I can’t go back in time cuz the levels not gonna load probably cuz it’s in Alpha it’s not fucking made yet. It’s early access. But I want it to be made so when you make the fucking level let me know so I can SAVE ALL THE GODDAMN DINOSAURS! I’m done.