[theme music] Jon: Hey, just let you know, you can watch this before everyone else if you become a member of our First group at roosterteeth.com/first or click the link below. You can also watch it live, which is even like earlier than early and I would appreciate it. Love you. Jon: I know one person on my first team tonight is Barb, but I can’t tell if her teammate is either Aaron, Chris, Cole, Jordan, Gavin, Trevor, Stan, Miles, or any of the other generic-looking, average-sized, short, dark-haired, doofy-looking white guys roaming the office. Hard to keep track of them all. Um, well, please welcome Barbara Dunkleman and my special guest this evening, of course, star of Rooster Teeth’s upcoming comedy Crunch Time, it’s Avery Monsen. [applause] Jon: My second team tonight kinda look like the guys you see in a porn a lot. They both look kinda big, little muscly good amount of body hair on them, might even be well-endowed. and there’s no mistaking that dead look in their eyes like they have failed at everything else in life so the only option they have left is to sell their bodies as masturbatory material. Please welcome Blaine Gibson and Josh Flanagan. [applause] I’m your host Jon Risinger and welcome to On The Spot. [Theme music] Jon: Ey
Barbara: Hey! Jon: Welcome to On the Spot! Barbara: Avery’s here!
Jon: There was no applause to that at all. just dead silence
[applause] Josh: dead silence. Jon: We have an audience. They just didn’t really want to react to being here on the spot. Barbara: They’re new.
Avery: They don’t care for this show. Jon: Yeah.
Avery: They were here for a different thing. Blaine: Who’s the guy who looks like Rasputin over there? Blaine: Is that our security guard? Hey! [Jon’s laughter] Blaine: What’s up Ras? Avery: You could try to kill him in so many ways and he will not die. Avery: That’s the story of Rasputin
Jon: That’s so good. Barbara: That’s why he makes the perfect security guard
Jon: You learned something at On The Spot. This episode of On The Spot is brought to you by Blue Apron and Loot Crate. Thank you very much. Um, Avery’s here. Avery: Yeah, here I am. Jon: Avery! Avery: I’m visiting Austin for a few days from Tuesday until Friday. Jon: Thank you for giving your schedule. Avery: Since you guys always wanted to know my schedule, right? Avery: Here’s what airline I’m going to be on.
[Jon’s laughter] Avery: Which, uh, flight, bad idea. Jon: Avery is here, because, uh, you’re in Crunch Time! Avery: I’m in Crunch Time, the new series, the new science fiction action comedy series that’s going to come out in September. Jon: We couldn’t fit any more genres in there? Barbara: That’s a lot of qualifications to one show. Avery: There might be a- Blaine: Romance? Avery: There’s a little bit of romance. Jon: There’s a little bit of, uh- Barbara: Well, Avery’s in it, so obviously. Avery: Hey! Get out of here! [laughter] Avery: I’m doing this one solo. Blaine: Avery’s the one who’s like-
Avery: Get out of here, Barb- Jon: It feels like having Dick van Dyke on the show, is what it feels like. Blaine: I don’t know Avery that well, so I don’t realize that he’s one of those actually genuine people, so I was like second guessing everything he was saying to me. Jon: That’s right.
Blaine: Cause I was like, are you being an asshole right now, Avery? Jon: Cause we don’t believe in genuine emotions here. Barbara: He also general- like smiles with everything he says. That makes it way more of a trick. Blaine: Right. It makes it way more sketch Avery: You’ll never know what’s going on inside this fucked up brain. Barbara: He’s like- no it’s great to be here.
Blaine: I say something funny, he’s like- Blaine: Hey, that was really funny and I was like- Fuck you! [laughter] Jon: Uh, yeah so guys, uh, you guys should definitely check out Crunch Time when it comes out It is a First members only series, correct, Barbara? Barbara: Yes.
Jon: Avery? Avery: Yeah
Jon: Experts? It’ll be out September of this year, uh, it’s super funny, lot of funny people in the show Um, we’re acutally going to have a – hopefully going to have a few more of the cast here on On The Spot in the coming weeks Jon: Um, but today, we’re graced with Avery and we appreciate that. Barbara: That’s all you need.
Jon: I’m being genuine right now. Jon: I’m being genuine. I’m really glad you’re here, Avery.
Barbara: Smile bigger. Jon: I don’t give a fuck about the rest of these guys. I have Avery. Avery: You guys can go to hell. Jon: There you go. He says it with a smile and everything. Barbara: Does it matter that I’m on his team? Jon: Well, no. Jon: Um, Avery: I feel like we’re doing pretty well. [laughter] Jon: You know what, ten points for doing pretty well, Avery. Barbara: Yeah, yeah!
Avery: All right! I’ll take it! Blaine: It’s one of those games, huh, Josh?
Barbara: There you go. Josh: It’s fine. I’m okay
Blaine: It’s one of those games. Josh: No, it’s cool.
Jon: I think the audience is really confused today. Jon: Let’s do team names. We got a few things to get through and one of them is team names. Avery, Barb, what do you guys got for a team name? Avery: Um, you wanna say it? Barbara: Um, do you wanna give some backstory on this or do you wanna just go right into it? Jon: Backstory to a team name on On The Spot
Avery: Alright, so the very quick backstory is- Avery: Yesterday I did the show The Know, you guys know about The Know? [Hoots from the audience] Avery: Um,
Barbara: The Yes they do. Avery: And, uh, very good. Avery: And almost immediately, in the YouTube comments, there was a consensus that my head to body ratio was fucked, that I had a- that my head was too big for my body. Barbara: So we say fuck you to those people. Avery: Or, we say, you’re probably right because you all agreed and- You must be on to something
[laughter] So we got hashtag good head two body ratio Barbara: Yeah, and we did the two instead of to just to make it shorter. Blaine: [sarcastically] Oh, that’s what that is.
Jon: It looks like one of those hashtags you wake up to Jon: and look at the, like, trending hashtags, and you’re like, oh, someone, like, forced this one. Jon: Good head to body ratio.
Blaine: It’s like a marketing thing, yeah. Jon: Yeah, they’re trying to like, you know, sell some sort of caricature movement. Josh: What are you selling, Avery? Jon: What are you selling, Avery?
Josh: What’re you selling us? Jon: Avery, what’re you selling? Avery: Just me, baby. I’m just Blaine: Just a head.
Jon: Ain’t nobody buying it. Jon: Uh, what do you guys got? Blaine: Well-
Josh: Well, this is a pretty historic event actually, I think- Jon: No it’s not. Josh: It is. You are witnessing the return of the blumpkin brothers. Blaine: [affirmative grunt]
Jon: Oh! Josh: Who haven’t been, I mean, it’s probably been a year, I mean, how long has this show been on? It’s been a long time. Jon: It’s been on for five weeks. Blaine: Too long
Josh: Too long. Josh: So here we are, we’ve reached a milestone. Jon: So, return, so you want to bring people back to season one of- season two? season one Blaine: I don’t remember.
Jon: Of this show. Blaine: I try to forget this show.
Jon: Blumpkin Brothers Blaine: The next time that Josh and I are both on, it’s going to be Blumpkin Brothers Forever. Jon: Yeah
Blaine: Yeah. Blaine: Blumpkin Brothers Beginning
Jon: I can never remember what a blumpkin is. Jon: I can never remember what it is. Josh: I’m sorry you missed blumpkin and blumpkin
Blaine: Blumpkin and beyond? Barbara: The Dark Blumpkin?
Blaine: Oh. Josh: You went two blumpkins over the one we want. Jon: Uh, okay, so we got team names if you guys wanna use those hashtags in Twitter, you can send them all wonderful thoughts and dark thoughts alike. Jon: Um, hey let’s play a game!
Barbara: Is blumpking dirty? Josh: Let’s play a game.
Avery: Oh yeah! Jon: Let’s play Sync About It Avery: Let’s do it. [Jingle] Jon: Sync about it is a game where each team is going to be given a question, they’re going to answer the question one word at a time back and forth between teammates, they’re going to do it over the course of 60 seconds on the clock. Uh, little twist is that every time you hear the bell, [ding] The other team gets a chance to try to interject with a word to try to screw them up And then the team that’s playing the round has to try to use the word in their sentence and continue on. Uh, best answer gets points! We’re going to start off with Barb and Avery on this one. What is their question? Jon: How to quit dem drugs.
Avery: How to quit ’em. Jon: from RT user KooKayxy. KooKayxy. Avery: Thank you so much KooKayxy. Jon: KooKayxy. Barbara: Does it matter what type of drugs?
Jon: Thank you for the random use of “x”. Jon: Uh, so, what? Barbara: Does it matter what type of drugs? Jon: Just, just general, I mean, are there types of drugs? I figure just, drugs are drugs. [Avery laughs first, then others laugh] Barbara: So innocent
Jon: Bit of a telling laugh there, Avery? [Avery laughs] Jon: Uh, so how to quit drugs, you can pick, you can pick which drugs to quit from. Jon: sixty seconds on the clock. Start off with Bibs. Uh, ready? Avery: Okay.
Jon: Set, go. Barbara: First Avery: you B: get A: your [ding] Blaine: Boner [laughter] Blaine: That took a while. Avery: and Barbara: stick A: it B: in A: your B: girlfriend. A: When B: you A: hear B: her [ding] Josh: Complain. B: offer A: to B: smoke A: all B: her A: weed, uh, drugs [laughter] Jon: That’s one word. B: uh, then A: when B: she [ding] Blaine: motorboats A: you B: say A: Hey! B: You’re A: not B: supposed A: to B: do A: that, B: stoner. A: The B: end. Jon: Five seconds. A: of B: the A: way
[ding] Blaine: World
[End of round buzzer] Avery: I think that made a lot of good sense. Jon: Did it? Barbara: Just smoke all her drugs and then motorboat her. Avery: You smoke all of her weed drugs when she motorboats you. Jon: Yeah. Avery: and then you say You stoner. You really give her the business. Jon: I, I find it goes over quite well when you’re having sex with someone to just take a moment to say: Hey, you! Barbara: It does. Jon: Really lets ’em know you’re there. Blaine: I was hoping we could go with the lyrics to that one song you know it is. [imitates song] Blaine: You know, the,
Jon: We got it. Jon: Josh, have you ever been motorboated by a woman? Josh: I don’t think so. Jon: I feel like Nadia is missing out on an opportunity here.
Josh: Sup? Barbara: Do you want to try it? Josh: Yeah, kinda. Josh: Barbara, you?
Barbara: I don’t know what’s under there
Avery: Well, let’s have at it, guys. Jon: Barbara, give him a motorboat. Josh: Wait, is this- who’s gonna get points for this? Josh: I don’t want to give away my points.
Jon: We’ll have to see, that’s the suspense. Barbara: I mean, who has [too quiet]
Josh: Oh my god. Jon: Whoever participates better in this interaction?
Avery: Attagirl, Barb. Barb: [motorboat noises] [cheers] Blaine: Barbara’s face in makeup is just printed on Josh’s poor shirt. Barbara: It’s true. You probably just have eyeliner everywhere all over that shirt. Jon: I’m gonna give ten points to both teams. [Everyone says positive things] Barbara: Also, that hurt my nose. Jon: That hurt your nose? Barbara: Yeah, does that always hurt your nose when you do that to girls? Jon: I think, I think Josh has probably got some pretty stiff titties. Barbara: You’ve also lost a lot of weight. Josh: I have.
Barbara: Why did you do that? Josh: If you’d’ve done this to me two months ago, you would have had some cushion. Barbara: Oh, we’d’ve been able to really go at it. Avery: Is it fair to say that because we both got 10 points, that, uh, we could have skipped over that entire segment Jon, Blaine: Yeah Jon: Almost like it was pointless
Blaine: That’s the point in the show where we realize no one’s laughing, so we gotta do some physical comedy to make up for our lack of- Barbara: Still didn’t work.
Josh: Welcome to the biz, Avery. Jon: Speaking of which, let’s read out that answer. Jon: First you get your boner and stick it in your girlfriend. When you hear her complain, offer to smoke all her weeddrugs then when she motorboats you say Hey! You’re not supposed to do that, stoner. The end of the world Josh: It feels like entrapment. It feels like you’re- Josh: I don’t know why. Jon: How to quit drugs. Not sure if that was in there. Barbara: Well, her weed’s all gone. Jon: Now I got an email from Emily about- Blaine: Why don’t read it out?
Jon: Some posters. Jon: So that’s for you guys. Little inside, you know, scoop behind the scenes of Rooster Teeth. Blaine: Man, this episode is going off without a hitch, Josh: Man!
Blaine: Wowie. Josh: You ready to save this episode, Blaine? Blaine: Let’s do it. Jon: Speaking of which, let’s see what you guys come up with. Save the show. Blaine: Oh, okay!
Josh: We got this. Jon: How to tell your child their pet died. Jon: From Daroze. RT user Daroze, thank you so much for that. Um, how to tell your children or child their pet died. Sixty seconds on the clock, start off with Joshua. Jon: Ready?
Josh: Ready. Jon: Set, go. [ding] Josh: Look, Blaine: here J: is Blaine: what J: you B: do J: when B: your J: pet [ding] Avery: uh, uh orgasms. Avery: I’m sorry. I’m sorry. B: to Josh: your B: uh, rat [laughter] J: named B: Ben? I don’t- [laughter] J: You B: have J: to B: show J: him B: the J: right B: way J: to [ding] Barbara:orgasm [laughter]
Blaine: Goddamn! Blaine: G- G- Go corpse. Blaine: First Josh: You B: show J: the B: corpse J: to B: your J: son B: and J: then B: rub J: the B: corpse J: in B: his J: fa- [ding] Avery: uh, 1999 Toyota Previa. [laughter] Blaine: Which- Jon: No, time’s up! Blaine: Okay. I was going to keep- [laughter] Blaine: I just realized. That’s a very specific make and model. Jon: Avery? I’ve got a question for you, Avery. [laughter continues] Avery: It’s a- It’s a family sized minivan Jon: What car do you drive, Avery? Avery: I’d rather not say. Jon: Are you roamin’ around as – Are you single? Avery: Listen, leave it alone, alright? Just leave it alone. Barbara: Oh god, that got me. Blaine: 1999 Toyota- Jon: I’m surprised the color wasn’t in there. Avery: M- uh, evergreen Blaine: It jumped around a bit, but I think we got to the point. Jon: Yeah, I appreciate you implementing the strategy of just telling Josh where to go with the words. ignoring all the rules of the game and just being like- Blaine: I don’t know what you’re talking about. Jon: Uh, do we have that written out already? Look, here is what you do when your pet orgasms to your rat named Ben. You have to show him the right way to orgasm.
[Barbara laughing] First you show the corpse to your son then rub the corpse in his 1989 Toyota Previa. Blaine: That’s, I mean, that’s textbook how you tell your child- Jon: Neither of you fuckers got anywhere close to answering the question. Avery: I’m not proud of the orgasm part.
Barbara: No. Avery: I feel like, like we didn’t play to the top of our intelligence, but I feel like- Jon: I feel like Avery, you’ve said “I’m not really proud of the orgasm part” quite a lot in your life. [laughter] Avery: Ooh yeah. Josh: I think your kid is going to know his pet is dead when he finds it in his Toyota- Blaine: 89 Previa.
Josh: Whatever, Josh: so really, problem solved. Barbara: Covered in a mystery-
Jon: Fine. Points to the blumpkin brothers. Blaine, Josh: Yay!
Avery: [angry noises] Jon: I’ll go with that. You’ve won me over. Barbara: This is your fault somehow. Jon: Teamwork is, is breaking down over here already. Avery: Yeah, I’m ready to leave. Jon: Before we find- Okay, so that’s Sync About It. Thank you so much. Avery: That went alright. Barbara: It was like a solid seven out of ten. Jon: Thank you for the quick review there, Avery. Avery: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ll just be keeping a running tally of how this is going. Jon: Hey, if you’re tuning in right now to on the spot, things are going alright. Barbara: We’re just happy to be here. Jon: Speaking of alright, not all ingredients are created equal. Fresh, high quality ingredients taste better and are better for you so it’s important to know where your food comes from. For less than $10 per meal, Blue Apron delivers seasonal recipes along with preportioned ingredients to make delicious, homecooked meals. Blue Apron knows that when you cook with incredible ingredients, you make incredible meals. So they set the highest quality standards for their community of artisinal supplies, family run farms, fisheries and ranchers, where there’s Japanese ramen, noodles wild caught Alaskan salmon, heirloom tomatoes, Blue Apron is bringing you the best. Blue Apron features new recipes that are created each week by Blue Apron’s culinary team and are not repeated within a year. Each meal comes with a step-by-step easy-to-follow recipe card and pre-portioned ingredients and can be prepared in 40 minutes or less. Check out this week’s menu and get three meals free with free shipping by going to blueapron.com/thespot. You will love how good it feels and tastes to create an incredible hooked- an incredible cooked meal with Blue Apron, so don’t wait That’s blueapron.com/thespot. Blue Apron: A better way to cook Don’t. No. You know, fuck all of you. Minus 5 points from both teams. Avery: Oh no! Avery: Oh, wait a second.
[Jon’s laughter] Jon: Uh let’s move on, uh, POINTS! Let’s find out what points are. Now that I’ve switched the points so quickly and the back- and the booth has to do that really quick. Josh: Alright. Jon: 15 to 30. Avery: Rats
Josh: We’ll take it. Barbara: Dangit. Jon: Hey, Avery? Language. Avery: Oh, Mice! [laughter] Jon: 5 points for that. Avery: Not bad.
Barbara: Alright. Bringing it back. Jon: Um, let’s play another game. Let’s play ABC’s of Storytelling. [Jingle] Blaine?: Our strongest. Jon: ABC’s of Storytelling is the game where each team is going to be given – Ah, I just remembered during rehearsals how Josh did. Blaine: You’re correct.
Josh: Oh boy. This is a fucking train wreck. Get ready. Jon: ABC’s of Storytelling is the game where each team will be given a scenario and characters and they’re going to act out those scenes like actual actors. They’re going to do that over the course of 60 seconds, and they’re going to perform their scene by using the letters of the alphabet to start off each sentence that they say to each other. Uh, each letter they get through, they get points, uh, they can skip x and z if they want to, they get bonus points if they want to. and they get negative points if they fuck up and act like Josh and forget how the alphabet goes. Barbara: No, I just like how in rehearsal, he’s just like: “You don’t get the letters on the screen?” Jon: But Josh has been on the show like a few times now. Josh: A few times, yeah. Jon: And I think you’ve played this game, so… Let’s start off with you guys. and find out what Josh and Blaine’s scenario is. Blaine’s about to have his first prostate exam. Josh is the doctor with really large hands, but also a really really large heart. Barbara: Aww. Josh: Is that metaphori- Jon: And that’s from RT user bottom37 Josh: Is that metaphorical, or is that a physical deformity? Jon: You know what, I’m not going to, I’m not going to like put you, put you in a box. I’mma let you, you really explore this character however you want to interpret it. Okay? Josh: Okay. Got it. Jon: 60 seconds on the clock, starting with what letter? Jon: K! Uh, Blaine, why don’t you start us off this scene. Ready? Set? Go! Blaine: K, doc. First time, take it easy on me. Josh: Let me ease on in here. Blaine: Might be going in a little too hard, a little too fast. Josh: No, no, no. You just need to relax. You’re doing great. Blaine: Okay, if you say so, doc. Josh: Just, puckering up a little much there, Blaine. Just loosen up. Blaine: [strained] Quit going in and out like this. Josh: Really, you are just the best. You are the best patient I’ve ever had. Blaine: Stop whispering into my ear like that. You’re being too nice. Josh: Tell me about your, tell me about your childhood, Blaine. Blaine: Uh, uh, why are we talking about my childhood when you have your hand up my ass? Josh: Wait, what letter did you s- Blaine: “U” Josh: Um, very, very good. Very smooth in here, you know? Blaine: Well, I appreciate that, but can you take the hand out? It’s really big. Josh: Xrays showed you had something really big stuck in here. I don’t know what this is but it is, it is stuck. Blaine: Yeah, I know, your hand. It’s your hand that’s stuck in my asshole. Josh: Asshole, good word, Blaine. [laughter] Josh: Really accurate to the situation . Jon: Time’s up!
Blaine: Wow. Barbara: That was really good.
Avery: That was great. Blaine: It wasn’t funny but we got points. Josh: We did get points. [Barbara starts a round of applause] Avery: That was way better. Blaine: It was. Barbara had to make the audience clap though because they weren’t naturally – Jon: Yeah, Barbara had to cue the Avery: It was cool to see you reach your hand in over here and him reacting over there. Avery: It kinda bent space and time
Josh: Yeah, metaphysical. Josh: Yeah, it’s like Einstein whatever, the wormhole. Avery: Yeah
[Barbara starts a round of applause] Barbara: Look at all that power now. Josh: My god. Jon: What is Barb doing over here?
[Barbara starts a round of applause] Avery: She controls them.
Josh: The show’s going so well. Jon: What else can you make them do? Barbara: Nothing. Jon: Uh, okay. You guys got through quite a few letters on that one, so that’s going to help. Barbara: They even got the, uh, x- Jon: And got a bonus Josh: The X
Jon: Which Blaine was very excited about. Jon: Uh, Barb and Avery, let’s see what you guys’ scene is going to be. Avery: I was hoping they were going to set the bar really low. Jon: Uh, Barb, a wife who is trying to tell her husband she wants a divorce, Jon: And Avery’s a husband with alzheimers. Avery: This is- this is actually really great because Alzhiemers is one of my favorite degenerative diseases. [laughter] Avery: Like I would say out of all of the, uh, diseases that eat away at someone’s brain and like, break apart families, this is the funniest of them. [Jon claps while laughing] Avery: I think about, like, loved ones,
[Barbara starts a round of applause] Avery: I think about loved ones, like, slowly losing their minds and like you losing family members and I just laugh and laugh. [Barbara’s laughter] Josh: This is where that smile gets disconcerting, right?
Barbara: Yeah. [Jon’s laughter] Josh: This got really real. Barbara: I just laugh and laugh and laugh. Jon: [incoherent] …sociopathic tendencies.
Avery: Anyway, I’m excited to see where this goes. Jon: Starting with what letter? Jon: L. Go ahead and, you know what, Avery, why don’t you start us off on this one, cause I’m a big fan of you right now. Avery: Okay. Jon: Ready, set, go. Avery: [old person voice]: Leslie, I can’t find my keys. Barbara: [old person voice] Marty, how many times do I have to tell you where the keys are? They’re on the table. Avery: [old person voice] Now listen, you and I are in love and nothing’s ever going to change that. [laughter] Barbara: [old person voice] Oh my god, we’ve been living a loveless marriage for years. Avery: [old person voice] Please, where are my keys? Barbara: [old person voice] Quickly, they’re over there. Let’s go, we gotta go. Avery: [old person voice] Really, what I’ve been meaning to ask you honey, is, where are my keys? Barbara: [old person voice] Seriously, if you ask for your keys one more time, that’s it, we’re through. Avery: [old person voice] Tell me, are you going to leave me? Barbara: [old person voice] Uh, yes. Avery: [old person voice] Very sad. [laughter] Avery: [old person voice] Very, very sad. [laughter] [shrieking laughter] [end of round buzzer] [laughter continues] Blaine: That was the longest 10 seconds ever. [laughter continues] Barbara: Are we done? Jon: I feel like-
Avery: So that’s the end? Avery: Take a quick bow? Let’s take a quick bow. Jon: Yeah, scene! Barbara: Oh, us two? Jon: There you go. Yeah! [applause, Blaine laughing] Avery: See, that, that tells you why Alzhiemer’s is the funniest of the degenerative diseases. Barbara: That was a performance. Jon: I feel like we should put a number on the screen for people to call to talk about depression or something. Blaine: Very sad. Dead silence for 8 seconds. [laughter] Jon: Remember the episode of On the Spot where Avery broke and killed the soul of Barbara? Barbara: I was trying to weigh my options of like letting that play out for as long as possible or wanting to get the extra points for the other letters. Avery: You did the right thing.
Barbara: And I think I wanted to wait it out Blaine: Jon and I instinctually did the same move and like- (sucking in air) Jon: we like went to our hands over here and we had like a moment Blaine: Holding hands Jon: We both could not deal.
Blaine: Terrible. Avery. Jon: Man, no matter what happened at the end of that, that scenario and how many points for letters, I’m gonna give 5 bonus points for Avery Jon: for that one. That was fantastic.
Barbara: Yeah! [applause] Avery: Thank you so much. Jon: Good job. Avery: I’m just happy to be here, guys. Jon: Yeah, just happy
Avery: Loving it 100% of the time. Barbara: You’re like a McDonalds commerical. Jon: Hey, uh before we find out what points are for our redemption challenge, I want to say another little thing. With Loot Crate, you guys can get collectibles, apparel, and more from your favorite pop culture franchises delivered right to your door every single month. We’re talking new- a new tee-shirt in every crate, there’s figures, comics, and stuff for your kitchen even. Loot Crate has a wide range of exclusive items you can’t get anywhere else from fan-favorite franchises like Harry Potter, Marvel Comics, Fallout 4, Star Wars, and a ton more. For less than $20 a month, you can get 68 unique one-of-a-kind items and more. You have until the 19th at 9pm Pacific Time each month to subscribe and receive that month’s crate. Uh, when the cutoff happens, that’s it, it’s over, so you want that month’s crate, you gotta get around that time. Make sure to head to www.lootcrate.com/spot and enter the code SPOT to save up to $3 off any new subscription. That’s lootcrate.com/spot and the code spot. Thank you so much, Loot Crate! Barbara: Yeah, thank you Loot Crate. [applause] Avery: Hey, they don’t have any hooked meat in there, do they? Jon: Way to really bring some like, callbacks into this. I feel like that’s an important part of improv and I appreciate that. Another 5 bonus points to Avery. Barbara: Wow, yes.
[applause] Avery: We’re doing okay.
Barbara: I’m so proud of you. Avery: Okay
Barbara: It’s like watching my son go to school Blaine: Wait, who won the- that thing? Jon: Well, let’s find out what points are. All: Oooh Jon: It’s close! ?: Tight challenge. Barbara: Is that with the extra 5? Blaine: Oh no. Jon: Alright, so we have a redemption challenge, as always The redemption challenge this week it’s, it’s um, I think this is a pretty easy one. Um, we have a script we have prepared. Blaine: What? Miles was telling me something off camera I couldn’t see, So I had to cover my eyes. He was just flipping me off. All: Oh.
Blaine: Classic Miles. Jon: That’s not- where’s Miles? Blaine: Yeah he left. Jon: Okay.
Blaine: I’m not imagining him. Jon: I was like- That’s not Miles over there. Blaine: Okay.
Avery: Very sad. Jon: Alright, so. I have a script and I’m gonna give, uh, each of you a copy of the script and, what I need you guys to do is, we’re going to put a timer up on the clock and all I’m challenging you is to read this script out loud uh, without smiling or laughing. And, for every second you can do that, I’ll give you points. Once you break, you guys can swap to the next teammate. I’mma start off with you, Barb, and then Avery can pick up where you are. and however far Avery gets into it, he can get points as well. Alright? Barbara: What if I do the whole thing without laughing? Jon: Then you, uh, win On The Spot. Avery: Great. Jon: Just, all of it. All 66 episodes of this fucked up show. Jon: Um, alright, so, there’s your
Barbara: Dead babies, dead dogs, dead babies, dead dogs. Jon: So there’s you guys’ script Avery: Here you go Barb Jon: Um, I’m going to have you start pretty much immediately. Ready? 60 seconds on the clock. Barbara, start us off. Ready, set- Barbara: Just a – just, Jon: Go. Barbara: My fellow Americans. Good evening. The astronauts have exploded. Hello. My name is President Richard Nixon. The crew members of the Apollo 11 spacecraft, Edward “Buzz” Aldrin, Neil “Buzz” Armstrong, and Michael “Buzz” Collins, have become dead in space. Something went wacko with the machines, and like many great men before them, Buzz and his husbands exploded. [snickers] Barbara: Note. Hold for applause. While the loss of these brave men is tragic, we should not weep for them, for they understood the risks of lunar- of a lunar mission They knew that space was an area where things go wacko with the machines. we made it clear that if they exploded in space, there was very little hope of putting them back together. I’m sure as their spaceship- Jon: Smile! Barbara: Did I? Jon: I’m sure- Avery: As their spaceship was erupting into a flaming chamber of death all around them, the astronauts were thinking, This makes a lot of sense. We can take comfort in that. Buzz and his husbands did not jump into space because they knew they would succeed. No, they went to space because mankind has an unquenchable [end of round buzzer] thirst for strange new rocks. The moon is- Jon: Time’s up, you’re fine! Hey, good job, guys! Avery: Hey, we did a good job! Barbara: We did a great job. And I call bullshit! I was not smiling. Jon: Meh, whatever.
Avery: Barb can keep a straight face, you gotta bring it. Jon: Guess what? Doesn’t matter. It’s my show. [laughter] Avery: Alright. Jon: But you guys got through- all through that for 60 seconds. I’ll give you sixty points. Avery, Barbara: Hey! Blaine: What? Really? Barbara: Have you ever tried laughing without smiling? Avery: Ooh, that’s a lot of fun.
Jon: Laughing without smiling? [Barbara making laughing noises] [Avery and Barbara making laughing noises] [Various laughing noises] Avery: Hey, that’s a good one!
[Noises continue] [Noises continue] [Noises fade] Avery: I don’t care who you are, that’s, uh, that’s good clean fun. [laughter] Jon: Ohhh. Blaine: My head hurts really bad. Josh: Yeah Jon: Yeah. Barbara: I feel like Avery is like the dad that came on On the Spot. Jon: Avery’s like the dad-
Avery: I’m really proud of all of you. Avery: I brought some orange slices for everybody after the show. Jon: Um, Avery: That’s just air. Jon: You know, I’ll go ahead and give each team- [laughter] Jon: Did you just- did you just say head’s just air?
[laughter] Avery: No, I- Blaine: He gave out
Jon: Oh, he said that’s just air Avery: I gave out orange slices and then I said that’s just air. Avery: It’s a lot funnier now that I’ve said that the second time. [laughter] Josh: Hilarious. Jon: Hey, fifteen points to each team for those laughs. [Everyone says positive things at once] Blaine: Wow thanks. Imaginary points. Barbara: Thank you for the points. We appreciate it. Jon: You’re welcome, Barb. Blaine: [in a funny voice] 5 extra points to Barb for being nice. Jon: Uh, let’s go to, oh can we, do we have points after that? [Barbara makes noises] Josh: That is such a load of shit. Blaine: Great, Josh, we’ve really got it now. Jon: Josh, are you- Josh, I don’t like it when you’re upset. I genuinely value your opinion. What can I do to make this better, Josh? Josh: Give us sixty points Jon: Sixty?
Josh: Who said that?
Blaine: We’ll settle for 57. Jon: You’ll settle for 57. Josh: No. Jon: I’ll give you…
Barbara: If they get 57, we want 57. Jon: What? Blaine: 58 points. Jon: I’ll give you 58 and a half. Blaine: Ahhh. Avery: What?
Jon: Okay? Barbara: And we get 59. Jon: No you don’t.
Avery: This is HORSESHIT! [laughter] Jon: We broke Avery, yes. Jon: Um… [gasps] Jon: I like how they cut away so like there wasn’t even the Barbara: Here, do it again! Blaine: Cut away! Cut away! Josh: Yeah, cut away!
Blaine: Dammit, control room! [laughter] Jon: [incoherent because of laughter] Blaine: Spitting on my shoes. Barbara: It’s the saddest- Jon: Hey, w e got a third and final game. Let’s play some Quick Thinking! [jingle]
Avery: Okay. Jon: Every game, Avery has just gone into the game like this, like yeah, let’s play. Avery: Yeah, I’m ready to play. Jon: Why do your hands sound moist? Avery: Oh, yeah, I got a glandular problem. [laughter] Avery: Too many sweat glands, maybe? Jon: Um, okay. Quick Thinking is a game where both- all teams- everybody who is playing is going to get a category. They’re going to play a hot potato version of this game, going back and forth, give an answer for the category They’re going to get those answers by getting a letter. The letter will change throughout the round, so keep an eye on that. I will decide whether or not an answer is good or not, which will determine whether or not they get points. We’ll do this for a couple rounds. 60 seconds for each round and Avery is trying to quietly open up a can of something. Avery: Shhhhhh! Avery: Please be quiet, the baby is sleeping. [laughter] Barbara: It’s the baby challenge. Jon: I don’t know. Barbara: Look at the head on that one! That has as much head as you do to body! Avery: Oh boy! You did a great job!
Barbara: Look, it’s Avery! Avery: That was a very-
Barbara: It’s Avery. Avery: You guys are bullshit for not laughing. You should be losing your minds at that. That was hilarious. Jon: Everybody give their best laugh without a smile. [laughing noises] Barbara: To the audience!
Jon: Josh! Jon: Ah, okay. Let’s find out what the stupid round’s going to be. Barbara: They’re not even laughing. They’re just not smiling. Jon: Things not to say to your kids after they walk in on you having sex. From RT user bendy55. Jon: Uh, so yeah. Things not to say, with what letter? Jon, Blaine: P! Jon: Thank you Blaine for offering to start us off on this round. Blaine: Oh gosh, oh God. Jon: P, things not to say, ready, set go. Blaine: [sex noises] Point that camera over here, son. Jon: Oh, no, points. Barbara! Barbara: Please join us. Jon: No! Barbara! Points! Josh! Josh: Oh god. Purchase me another tape for the camera. Jon: No, no points. Avery. Avery: [in a funny voice] P- Pass the handcuffs. Jon: Points for being Woody Allen! Blaine! Blaine: [sex noises] Butt fucking’s perfectly natural, son. Jon: Aww, um, yeah, we’ll go points for that one. Barbara, B. Barbara: Babies are made like this. Jon: Uh, no, I’d say that would be a good thing to say. No points. Josh? Josh: Bring me another condom. I don’t need another one of you. [laughter] Jon: Points on that one. Avery? Avery: Uh, Blaine, I’m gonna be your new daddy. [laughter] Jon: Yes, points. E, Blaine. Blaine: [sex noises] Erectile dysfunction, I think not. Jon: Ah, points. Blai- uh, Barb. Barbara: Every parent does this one every night. We do it right under your nose. Jon: No, Josh? Josh: Eat your veggies and you can join in tomorrow night. Jon: Nah, yes, points! Josh! Avery! Avery: Uh, eeeeee, [end of round buzzer] Avery: I hope Child Protective Services doesn’t take our child after all this bad parenting. [laughter] Blaine: What the fuck is that? [laughter] Avery: We’ll end up with a broken home. Jon: Yeah, that was a really good use of the letter there, Avery. Avery: Yeah, it started with eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Jon: When in doubt, just say the letter. And then proceed with your joke. No points on that one, Avery. Avery: Aw, rats! Jon: And why were you Woody Allen the entire time? Do you turn into Woody Allen when you’re having sex? Avery: Listen, that’s between me and my lady. Barbara: Is that what you call your hand? Avery: Yeah, I call my hand Lady. Jon: That’s even worse, if Avery just turns into Woody Allen while he’s masturbating with his hand. Avery: Oh, this has taken a turn. [laughter] Jon: What, uh, what’s our, that was, let’s, oh, move on. We gotta move. What’s our, uh, second category? Bad things to say as wedding vows RT user Plazmablurr, thank you so much for that one. Uh, bad things to say as wedding vows, what’s our starting letter? T! Uh, Bibs, why don’t you start us off this round? Jon: Uh, T, bad wedding vows,
Avery: You got this! You got it. Jon: Ready set go. Barbara: Titties, I love your titties. That’s why I’m marrying you. Jon: Nah, that’s a good thing to say. No points. Josh? Josh: Toddlers aren’t cheating, right? Josh: Oh, Jesus! Yes, points. Uh, Avery? Avery: Ugh, til death do us part because I’m gonna murder you later. [laughter] Avery: I’m going to murder you later. Jon: Yes, points! Blaine? Blaine: To be honest, I’m only doing this because I got you pregnant. Jon: Ohh yes, points. Barb, G. Barbara: Why am I always first? Uh, genitalia Jon: Sure, I’ll give points to that. Josh? Josh: Green card. When do I get it? Jon: Uh, no, that would be something you could say. Uh, no points. Avery? Avery: Uh, genital herpes, we both got it, we might as well get hitched. Jon: Yeah, Blaine. Blaine: Good God, keep the veil on. Ugh. Jon: Yeah, points. Barb? Barbara: Fuck. Jon: Sure. Points to Barb on that one. Josh: Flanagans all have AIDS. I thought you knew. [laughter]
[end of round buzzer] [Jon’s laughter] Avery: That’s what you say in the wedding vows? Josh: Well, yeah. Avery: Okay. Jon: Ohhh.
[laughter] Jon: Josh, are you proud of yourself? Josh: I am, cause my last name starts with F and it was-I saw, you know, sometimes you see the set up and you just, you’re just ready to spike it. Blaine: Like Top Gun. Josh: Like Top Gun. Jon: I feel like we could talk about a few more diseases. I feel like we haven’t covered enough diseases this episode. Barbara: What’d we do, Alzhiemers, AIDS- Avery: Alzheimer’s, AIDS, Avery: genital, genital herpes
Jon: genital herpes Jon: Yeah. You got a nice, uh, disease to talk about, Blaine? Blaine: Gona- Gonorrhea. Jon: What are you doing over there? Blaine: The clap! Jon: Put the- put the- Blaine: We all had it. Jon: Let’s just end this fucking show.
Josh: The clap is gonorrhea. Points, at the end of all of that, [jingle] Josh: Yes! Yes!
Blaine: Woot! Avery: I’m going back to L.A. Fuck this place. [laughter] Jon: What was your other option? Just linger here forever? Avery: I was thinking I might stay. Barbara: We were gonna keep him. Blaine: He was gonna make it. On the Spot was going to really be the- Jon: That was, yeah. That was your spring board
Barbara: That was going to be the setup. Jon: off into stardom. Well, congratulations, uh, BlumpkinBrothersReturns, I think that signals you guys should actually- Josh: Blumpkin’s spelled wrong, by the way Barbara: Well, let’s see what happens in the post show. Jon: Oh yeah, we do have a post show.
Josh: BlumPkin Jon: If you guys wanna tune in for the post show,
Josh: with a P. Jon: we play a little extra game and have a little extra saucy fun, uh, you gotta be a first member, so, if you wanna do that, you can go to roosterteeth.com/first? Barbara: Yup! Nailed it. Jon: To- To- Totally know what I’m talking about. Blaine: Roosterteeth.com/fist? Jon: That’ll take you somewhere else. Barbara: That’s Blaine’s site.
[laughter] Jon: Uh, I also want to say thank you to our sponsers, BlueApron and LootCrate, And I wanna say an extra special thank you to our special guest- Barbara: Blaine Gibson Jon: Special, special special Blaine: Thank you. Avery: [funny voice] Now, wait a second. I thought it was going to be me. Blaine: and cut to black. Jon: Avery, thank you so much for joining us. Barbara: Avery!
[Barbara starts round of applause] Jon: He thought that was his moment to stand up for some reason. Uh, be sure to tune in and see Avery in all his splendid glory. Blaine: Why’s he still standing? Jon: On CrunchTime on September 16 on Rooster Teeth First members only. Blaine: Avery, why are your hands still up? Barbara: Block Jon! Jon: Nope! That’s it! Jon: Tune in next week! Bye everybody! [theme music]