Kerry: Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of a “Million Dollars, But…” Today, we have the “RWBY” crew. Miles: Crew-BY, if you will.
Lindsay: Hey-o. Lindsay, Miles, myself Kerry. Let’s go, ladies first. I think that’s the best way to do it. Kerry: Lindsay, why don’t you take us away.
Lindsay: Oh, thank you. Miles: Whatchu got?
Lindsay: Alright- Million dollars, but, every time you have a very important decision, like, super intense, life-changing decision, you have to act it out to the other people as a mime. Kerry: Like charades style?
Lindsay: Yeah, basically. Miles: So what you’re saying is, like, let’s say I’m gonna buy a house, I’m would wanna act out–
Lindsay: You have to mime out, like, “This is a roof, and I would like to purchase said object.” Maybe you could like, pretend like you’re signing the contract for it. Kerry: Like, how far do you have to go? Would you have to like, Kerry: “I’m looking for a good neighborhood.”
Lindsay: Oh, like completely, through the whole transaction Lindsay: be like, “Not a lot of children in this neighborhood.” Like point down and be like “No, don’t want any.” Miles: The guys like, “Alright, no midgets, got it, yeah.” Miles: You said important decisions, so like– Lindsay: Yes, I’m thinking like, if you have to deliver news like “I want to adopt a kid.” So, maybe you’re like “I would like to BUY a kid” Kerry: I hear– here’s–
Lindsay: “Cannot HAVE the kids.” “Oooh, it’s not possible.” Kerry: “Desert down there” Lindsay: Yeah, exactly. Miles: I’m suddenly feeling better. Kerry: Some of them would be easy, though. It’s like, “Do we pull the plug on grandma?” Just, like, walk over the lamp. Lindsay: You just shake your head. Miles: “That bitch sent me Christmas cards without money for thirty years.” “Burn in hell, nana.” Kerry: “Yoink.” Kerry: Miles?
Miles: I have to say no Kerry: Uh, I am also gonna say no Lindsay: I’d do it. I’d do it.
Miles: I’m gonna be honest with you that sounds like- Miles: You’d do it?!
Kerry: What? Lindsay: Yeah, I’d like to stretch my boundaries, I gotta be more expressive Miles: Could you pantomime, uh, telling us that you’re accepting this, please? Linday: Oh. Miles: Nailed it. Miles: Ladies and gentleman, million dollars, but Kerry: But Miles: You don’t get to spend that money as you You’re going to be given a second identity And you can only use that money as Juarez Gomez, let’s go with that Miles: Lindsay, I don’t know what are you thinking? Lindsay: As a white female, I wanna go opposite of what I am now, so black male Kerry: So Miles and I are hanging out with you and we’re at a bar and we’re like “Oh, we should call our new black friend, you haven’t met him yet” Lindsay: Like “Lexington Steele are you there?” Kerry: Yeah, yeah
Miles: Lexington Steele… Kerry: And you’re like, like “That sounds like a great idea, uh, I’m just gonna go to the bathroom real quick” Lindsay: You didn’t even know!
Kerry: It would be like “Lex! What’s up? Let’s party!” Lindsay: Sup, man?
Miles: We sound so white right now… Miles: How do you plan on splitting the time between Steele’s life, or Gomez’s life, and your life? Lindsay: Exactly how I live my life right now, Michael goes to play a video game I duck out and do whatever the fuck I want for the next six hours Miles: Are you afraid that you might forget to switch sometimes? Like you come home to Michael as Lex Lindsay: Oh, I totally would
Miles: And he’s gonna be like [deep voice] “Hey, sweetie” And he’s like “OH! WHO ARE YOU?” Lindsay: And then I’ll be like “One moment” and then come back as Lindsay And be like “Oh did you see that guy? That was nuts! Oh, he left, don’t worry about it, yeah, he’s gone…” Miles: You gotta keep this secret deep down inside you Kerry: How elaborate does my costume have to be? Like can it just be me but with like, a fancy Spanish mustache? Miles: That’s fine
Kerry: Yeah, like that would be enough Lindsay: I’d say so. You always have your night life too Miles: Exactly
Lindsay: The after-hours Kerry turns into Gomez Lindsay: Could it be like, the moon comes out and Kerry’s like “No I’m changing AUGHHHHHH!” [high pitched laughter]
Lindsay: Gomez! Gomez! Miles: So…
Lindsay: Absolutely. Lindsay: I’m all about escapism, let’s do it Kerry: I feel that that’d be so much fun, yeah Miles: Maybe if I get to choose my second person that’d be cool Adren Ironside’s gonna have a really good time dowtown with a million dollars Lindsay: You’ve thought about this Miles: Only…a lot Kerry: Okay! So. Million dollars, but… Every time you meet someone, just first impressions You have to hug them for 30 seconds Lindsay: I do that already, that’s like a woman code Miles: First time you meet them
Kerry: It’s only the first time So it’s like, first impressions like, you’re at a bar And you’re like “Hey, can I buy you a drink?” The second she like, interacts with you it’s like “Alright, c’mon, bring it in” Lindsay: I feel like she’s texting her friend like “Dear god, please help me. This guy’s not letting me go” Kerry: What if you meet someone who’s also a hugger and like you hug them for 30 seconds and then they’re like “Aw, yeah this is the best! No one ever really wants to do this!” Lindsay: And then you’re both waiting for each other to break off and it’s like a competition of like “‘No, you let go’ ‘No, you let go!'” Kerry: But you know the next time you see them they’re gonna hug you for just that long and you’re like “I dont have to do this anymore” Kerry: I mean imagine if you get pulled over by a cop Lindsay: Aw, fuck. And you’ve gotta hug them?
Kerry: You’ve got to, like, you’ve got to get- Miles: SIR! SIR, STAND BACK!
Kerry: I just want a hug! Miles: Just bring it in, just bring it in, I’m a hugger, I’m a hugger Miles: You are gonna get shot
Kerry: TAZED [tazing sounds] Miles: And then when the paramedic is trying to remove the barbs from your back you’re constantly turning over trying to hug them
Kerry: Just come here, just bring it in Kerry: And then, you know because you’re trying to hug a cop you would go to jail Miles: Yeah
Kerry: Every person you meet in jail… Lindsay: You hug IN jail, yeah. And then one of the jailmates tries to hug you from behind and you’re like “What’s happening here? Oh no!” Miles: So what happens when you’re inevitably put in a straightjacket and can no longer hug What do you do at that point? Lindsay: What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object? Miles: You just explode. You just, you Hulk out and just AUGHHHH and break out of the straightjacket
Kerry: I have to hug… Miles: I don’t think I can do it. I don’t think I can do it
Lindsay: I’d do it, again, going back like that is girl code Miles: Bring it in. Bring it in.
Lindsay: Everybody now. Kerry: I don’t want to be a part of this.
Lindsay: Kerry… Miles: One…two…three…four Miles: Five
Lindsay: He’s like in my tits Kerry: Thanks for watching another episode of “Million Dollars, But…” Uh, if you want to see more you can subscribe and see more there Look at that
Miles: Here’s to our new-found wealth Kerry: Click it. Money! [cheering] Lindsay: Thanks for the denero, Juarez