Blaine: Hey and welcome to another episode of Million Dollars, But! Blaine: I’m Blaine Gibson and joining me today are my lifelong friends… …Aaron Marquis and Matt Hullum Matt: Lifelong friend Blaine: How you guys doing today? Aaron: Dandy, I’m feeling good. Matt: I can’t top “dandy.” Blaine: Let’s talk Million Dollars, But. Matt: Let’s talk Million Dollars, But! Aaron: Let’s do it. Matt: Let’s get into this! Aaron: So you get a million dollars… Matt: Wow, that’s a lot of money! Aaron: But… Aaron: Everything you want to buy, you have to… …get from a claw machine. You want to go out for a nice dinner or whatever with a lady… …has to get it with a claw machine. Matt: The claw is coming down and you like, you see it like kind of connect, and it comes back up… …and you just got the cheapest stuffed animal there. You go to a bar and you’re like can I get a rum and coke, or whatever… …a claw machine just comes over, it’s knocking over everybody’s drink. Matt: People are mad at you, like, “what are you doing?” “Get that claw out of here!” Matt: Toilet paper. I gotta pick up some toilet paper today… …and it might be like one of those days you woke up, you really need to go to the bathroom… Aaron: and you just see it’s just going down and you have it and it just slips out. Matt: That’s not the only thing slippin’ out Aaron: You are desperate at this point. Matt: Pretty desperate. Blaine: You’re a new father and you go to the hospital and your child’s in the nursery… …like then you’re in a claw machine with a bunch of babies… Aaron: You pick up the wrong kid.
You’d be like, close enough. We, we gotta go. Blaine: We’re taking this one. I’ve been trying all day. I don’t have any quarters left. Aaron: I can just see, like, you go to the dealer for a car… …I’m looking at that one a lot, and he’s like okay… …and he hands you a thing. Blaine: Best-case scenario you land the claw on the car, like, ha, ha, I got it… …and it just crushes the roof of the car. Aaron: Its a million dollars, but… …everything that you need to purchase with the money, you have to use a claw machine. Blaine: Oh, what the hell. I’ll use it, sure. What about you, Matt? Matt: I’m gonna go for it. Aaron: Absolutely not! Those things frustrate the shit out of me. Blaine: So you get a million dollars… Matt: Oh yeah. Aaron: Considerable amount of money. Blaine: …but once a month, randomly, you don’t know when it’s gonna happen, you are abducted… …by aliens. Blaine: And once they catch you, then they experiment upon you, and they will play with your butt… Aaron: I imagine aliens have figured out all they need from humans butts. Aaron: Like there’s only, it’s not a lot there. Matt (alien voice): That’s where all human knowledge is contained. Blaine: Yeah, they test you in certain things, and are like I want to see how fast he types. Matt: Did they actually need to see you typing for that… …or could they just stick something up your butt and they figure it out from there? Aaron: Hundred words a minute. Blaine: You’ll get a little bit of a heads up, like a light will start to kind of shroud you. Matt: So these aliens are bringing the fanfare… …they want to have a little panache. You know, you’re the star of the show… …in the alien world. Blaine: What an outstanding specimen. Aaron: This is about the twelfth time we’ve done this. He’s used to it… …but he’s gonna be excited anyway for you guys. Matt: Can you pick the type of aliens? Matt: It’s like you could get an ET alien and all you have to worry about is the one finger. Aaron: And it lights up. Blaine: A little bit of light beaming from your mouth. Matt: Or you could end up with predator. Blaine: You have to cover yourself with mud, holding still against a tree trunk. Matt: I would just stay covered in mud all the time. Aaron: I feel like they’d be really smart though… …and they be like, “he’s doing the mud thing again,” so they just wait, then they go… …I got ya’! Blaine: You could go like Ripley from alien. You’re like running around in your underwear and like a skimpy shirt… …and you got like a flamethrower. Matt: I’m up for that one. Blaine: Yeah Matt: Eventually they let you out and you don’t even know where you are anymore. Blaine: Yeah, I feel like as soon as you’re lowered back down to earth, the government just picks you up… …and then they start experiments on you. Matt: So it is a lot of your month. This is once a month. Blaine: Okay, so once again million dollars, but you are abducted by aliens and you’re experimented upon. Blaine: Would you take it? Matt: Oh, absolutely. Aaron: I don’t think I’m gonna take it just sounds like too much time. Blaine: I’d take it. Anything that’s gonna get me closer to Schwarzenegger. Matt: Alright, so, a million dollars, but every time somebody says your name… …you grow giant Dumbo ears. Blaine: What I mean are they permanent? Matt: Just for the day. Blaine: Oh, okay. Aaron: It’d be funny at the DMV, like you’re waiting and they’re like: “Aaron”… …blow up, and you have to take your driver’s license photo with these big ears. Blaine: Dumbass ears. It’d be pretty bad If you’re like, you know, on a road trip, and your head sticking out the window… …and you’re just enjoying it like, “it’s a beautiful view isn’t it Blaine?” …and then you just, like, get launched out of the seat. Matt: The worst part though is your q-tip bill… …can you imagine that? Blaine: Giant q-tips. Matt: There’s a big old q-tip. Blaine: I’m imagining though, that in a bad situation where you get a fight or something… …they’re just handles. Aaron: Two guys are flanking you, holding you by the ears. Blaine: Wham, wham, wham. Matt: You’re losing paintball every game. Aaron: Absolutely, yeah. Oh, Blaaaine! Whoompf. Matt: Well, I think be good though in some circumstances, because if they really were as big as Dumbo ears… Matt: Then you can fly, and I think your friends would be counting on that… Matt: Be like “hey, man, I need a lift home…” Matt: “I’m sorry, I’m busy.” “Come on, Aaron, give me a lift home.” Aaron: Over the city, just upset, and your drunk friends on your back. Just flying around. Matt: So, would you do it? Blaine: Yeah, I think I’d go for it. You know, why not. Matt: I’m definitely doing it. I want to fly with huge ears. Aaron: Oh, we get money, too. Yeah, definitely doing it. Blaine: Well, gentlemen, thanks for joining me for another episode of Million Dollars, But. Matt: Thanks for paying me to be here. Aaron: Wait, you got paid? Blaine: Alright, well if you want to play Million Dollars, But the game with your friends… Matt: Or enemies. Blaine: Or, yeah, or enemies, you can go to MDBgame.com and pick up the card game there… …you can pick it up like… Matt: Like this, take it we’re gonna go an just drop it all there. Put it on there. Blaine: Just like that. *laugh* Blaine: Hey guys, thanks for watching Million Dollars, But. If you enjoyed this episode, you’re totally gonna enjoy our card game… …we’ve got the party game as well as the expansion packs available at MDBgame.com Just click the link that’s somewhere around here and find out what weird, awful, terrible things you and your family and friends would do… …for a million dollars, and you know just you can do a little bit of butt stuff. It’s okay. Butt stuff’s good.