– Today we eat a sandwich that costs more than a pair of Yeezys. – Let’s talk about that. (funky electronic music) (fire crackles) Good Mythical Morning. – I have a riddle. What do a Big Mac, a Crunchwrap Supreme, a Chick-fil-A sandwich,
a Chipotle burrito, and a McGriddle sandwich
all have in common? – Um. – They’ve all seen me naked. Also we’ve taken all of
those fast food items and made them expensive, fancy versions. – Yeah and today we wanna
experience a fancified version of a Subway sub. Mythical chef Josh and
Mythical producer Alex! – Woo woo! Hey guys.
– Hello. – We have a challenge for you. It’s to do the air chair for
as long as you can right now. – Okay we’ll just wait.
– Actually, your mission if you choose to accept it is to go out into the wilderness
and create a fancy, $500 foot long cold cut combo Subway sub. And then bring it back to this very desk. Do you accept this mission? – Yes.
– Good because– – Yeah.
– That’s what this episode is about.
– That’s great. – So go, make the $500 foot long sub and we’ll just wait here
for them to bring it back, ever how long it takes, it’s not like they’ve
already done it and taped it and edited it and we’re
just gonna watch it basically right now in a few seconds. – Yeah we’re just settling in. It’s time for Fancy Fast
Food: Subway Edition. – Welcome to my Subway van. I rented it from a guy named Jared. We’re doing $500 foot longs this week and I’m here with you because– – You have a lot of sandwich
experience ’cause you used to work at Panera Bread Company. – I did used to work at
Panera Bread Company. – Why’d you get fired? – So what do you got there? – So this is the Italian
herb and cheese bread. Everything starts in the
bread and then the meats, my three favorites, you
have pepperoni and salami and the super gray roast
beef that looks like it died probably 35, 40 years
ago, provolone cheese, olives, jalapenos, those
are supposed to give a nice, acidic brininess to it and
then simply just red onion, tomatoes, lettuce, red wine vinaigrette and the best sauce at Subway. – Italian.
– No, southwest. – So no mayo? – There’s mayo in the southwest sauce. – Oh, I get extra mayo. – You look like a guy
who would get extra mayo. – Yeah (chuckles) I do. Okay so where am I going? – You’re going to Hollywood! Remember American Idol,
that was a cool show. But for real we’re going
to Gwen in Hollywood. They got the best meats in town. – [Alex] Oh my God. – [Josh] Wow. – I know a lot about meat
on account of I’ve had it and this is the good stuff. What do you think of that one? – I actually think this
looks like the thing we should make roast beef out of. – It’s $90 a pound so as
long as it’s not extra for avocado or anything like that, four pounds should be probably enough. So $403.20 is more
money than I’ve ever had in my bank account at one time. I’m looking here and I’m not seeing just circles of provolone. These are square and
that’s just throwing me way off my game, I mean,
best case scenario, they have a Boschetto al Tartufo. – [Josh] Wait what? What do we have? – Oh, mama mia, it’s the– – [Together] Boschetto al Tartufo. – [Alex] It’s a circle
just how daddy likes. So I have payment. – Oh.
– Right in here. – Do you want me to grab it?
– Yeah. – [Josh] Is that in here? This is embarrassing, I normally use him to kinda pay for meat. Do you guys, are you guys
cool with all quarters? – Yeah we can do that.
– There’s more. They’re warmer when you get down. We’re just gonna call it square then. – [Alex] Do we all hug now or? – All right so we got all our
meats our on display right? We got this 80 day dry rib-eye from Gwen that’s really incredible,
we got their lavender salumi and we got their
Finocchiona salumi which– – But here’s the thing. Nobody hugged me over there. No one cares. We spent a lot of time with those people and by that I mean that one girl. – And then of course we have our cheese so I got this Boschetto al Tartufo right, and then we got some Parmigiano-Reggiano. Gonna put that on our version of Subway’s Italian herb and cheese bread and then we got this
beautiful black winter truffle that we’re gonna use to make
that Subway southwest sauce. – Which I thought was a rock. – And then we have this
beautiful bottle of Madame Rose, which is actually a sour
that we’re gonna be using to make the pickles. And then we got this beautiful bottle of, I’ll let you pronounce it. – [Alex] Uh, Clos du Marquis
St. Julien Grand Vin, 2014. – And then we’re gonna reduce that to make our red wine vinaigrette. – Sure, this is my part of it. I have red pepper, green boy, white-o, gold, red, and also a, I didn’t realize this was an onion. – It’s not an onion.
– It’s not? – It’s a shallot, dude.
– And then this is grass. – Great so let’s start
this cooking process. – I do a little bit of this
when I’m soiling my meats and then I do a rub on the side. – Keep in mind this is a
$400 piece of meat though. – I’m trying to do an even thing here. It’s not great.
– I think this is great. So this is ready to go in the oven. So now we gotta make our
duck egg southwest sauce. – These are from ducks? (metal clanging) – You never wanna crack on that sir. – [Alex] Duck eggs are
tougher than a chicken. – I found out earlier that you don’t know what mayonnaise is.
– That’s true. I think mayonnaise could
be sour cream based which I think is pretty good. – Close, it’s an
emulsification of eggs and oil, the eggs of course serving
as the protein or binder. – Oh it’s eggs.
– To whip it, it’s eggs. – We’re making mayonnaise right now. – We’re making mayonnaise right now, baby. Do you want to be the
pitcher or the catcher, so to speak?
– Let’s just say I’m more of a catcher. – Need to get this
going as fast as you can and then while I’m doing this,
you’re gonna drip that oil in as slowly as possible, okay?
– This one? Oh we could have done this the whole time? (mixer whirs) I think we’re doing good. That looks magical, that
looks like mayonnaise. – So I’ve done this, I’ve
pureed some chipotles in adobo right there. Spoon some of that into there. All right that’s a good plop. Then you’re gonna do a quarter a teaspoon, whatever you think that is. – No. – One quarter of a teaspoon.
– Big boy or little boy? – A teaspoon’s a little boy,
you’ve drank tea before? – That’ll do.
– That’s pretty good, man. There you go.
– Oh this is pretty good. – They sound like Donald Duck to me. – Like we’re murdering him. – All right so now we gotta
make our red wine vinaigrette. They say you shouldn’t cook with any wine that you wouldn’t personally drink. – Now I’ll just pour–
– Pour it in, man. – Pour it in?
– Pour it in. – Oh!
– You’re doing fine. – So we got our shallots here. – Two seconds, what’s the
difference between a shallot and an onion? – More flavory! – Done.
– Then we’re gonna add a few cracks of black pepper in there. – And what are we making right now again? – We’re making the red wine vinaigrette. – That’s right.
– Sauce. We’re just gonna go ahead and
add a solid two tablespoons of that guy right in there. So you’re gonna add a little
bit of that Balsam Oro and then we’re just
gonna pour a little bit of our reduced red wine
right into the pot. So we’re gonna start this going slowly– – No there’s no top! – What?
– There’s no top. – Yeah you’re the top.
– Oh okay. The fire stuff is burning me, dude. – What fire stuff?
– The fire wine is burning. – What do you mean the fire
wine, it’s not even hot. You’re just scared. You gotta learn to differentiate
between fear and pain. And now our red wine vinaigrette’s done. – We did it. – So this dough has been
rising for about three hours. – I been watching my
special stories back there. – Yeah, anything good going on? – No. – So you’re gonna take that
and you’re gonna roll it into our sub loaf shape until it fits the dimensions of this pan
so you want it to be flush against the side of that. – I literally did it first time. Greatest cook to ever live. – [Josh] We’re gonna go
ahead and score this, you know like–
– 10. I’ve been waiting for that one. – Then we’re gonna go ahead
and we’re just gonna rub a little bit of that truffle
oil we already got going through the bread. Grate a bunch of
Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese, and then taste these Italian herbs. – Raw? – Big time. How do you feel about that? – Pretty good. – Pickles, we gotta make pickles. And we’re actually gonna pickle them in this Madame Rose
Belgian-style wild ale. – How much?
– Just pour it all in the pot. You’re gonna boil it.
– This part scares me. (sizzling) – You’re doing great though. So all you gotta do is
keep your fingers away from the blade so hold
it right up at the top, you’re just gonna grip it really firmly. – Right here.
– Yeah the not, no, not– – Yeah. Here we go. I almost sliced my finger off. Whoa that was close. Oh my God. I’m gonna start to take your
lessons way more seriously starting now.
– That’s great. So this is elephant garlic, this is one large clove of
garlic and the best part about elephant garlic
is that it’s super mild so you can just eat a chip straight up. – It’s not. It tastes just like the
regular kind if not worse. – All right so what we need
to do with these pickles is get ’em covered in salt. Salt’s gonna get in the
cell walls of the vegetable and that’s gonna give this really nice– – Garlic is just in my mouth. – You’re gonna like it when it’s all done. – How long does this have to sit for? – Two weeks. – Okay.
– And then seal this up. And we’re gonna wait two weeks. – It reacted badly with
the garlic. (groans) – We’re kinda on the home
stretch of this one, man. – Yeah, more sharp stuff, great. – Go slow and really push into there. Look at that, that’s nice. We got hot beef flying in. So we’re just gonna cut off the twine. You wanna try and roll that guy off. Again are you scared or are you hurt? – Half.
– So we’re not just gonna hit this with a direct flame,
we’re actually gonna hit it with pure diffused heat. Yeah fire it up. And then, yeah, that’s great. Try and really go on the top,
try and hit the exposed fat. Oh my God.
– It’s on fire. – (blows) It’s great. (fire blasts) (blows) You’re doing awesome.
– It’s still on fire. (both blowing) – All right so now we’re
just gonna throw it into our slicer. – That looks good.
– All right man. Bread is finally done and now we can start
building this sandwich. So we’re gonna go ahead
and put down a huge base of our southwest sauce that’s got a lot of that truffle in it. We’re gonna take literally
all of this meat, this is about what three pounds, and we’re just gonna take that– – That’s exactly three.
– Yeah? So we got all of our meat on there. We wanna pack it in so like– – This part’s a little erotic for me. – [Josh] And we got just
thousands of salami coins. – You know what’s crazy
is I’m still a vegetarian. – Yes.
– Still. – I’ve handled a lot of meat, I just don’t put it in my mouth. – All right now we gotta
alternate colors on the tomatoes and then I always get olives at Subway so we’re going Castelvetranos. Catch this in your mouth. – That’s unbelievable. Did you see that? Look at our pickles.
– Yeah. (sputters) – It took two weeks and we did it so fast. So much faster than that.
– Oh crap. – What?
– You think they like their sub toasted? – Tough. – We gotta redo it now.
– No no no. – [Josh] This sucks. – [Alex] This is beautiful. This is the most beautiful
sandwich I’ve ever seen. – We just gotta crown it. – [Alex] Oh my God. – [Josh] I’m so proud of us. – I wanna name this thing. Its name is, three, two, one. – Carl.
– Carl. – Do you want that hug? – Yeah. Thanks. – No.
– Ooh! – I was coming in–
– Right. Thanks, man. – And they made it and they’re back! Okay guys, a freakin’ $500 foot long sub. – It’s so big! – Oh my word. – [Rhett] What is the
other one over there? – [Link] It’s wider in
real life than I thought it would be.
– That’s the original. – Just a regular cold cut.
– Okay. – This is just to give you
just a point of reference. – Yeah yeah, exactly. – It’s a little bit bigger than a foot because Subway’s is actually
smaller than a foot. It’s just short of 11 inches. – Is that right?
– There was a lawsuit about that.
– There was a lawsuit about that and so if we
get sued for our sandwich being too big, I’m fine with that. – A couple lawsuits going on. – You might be–
– I don’t really wanna taste this.
– 18 inches over there with Carl, I don’t know. – It’s 16 exactly.
(Rhett chuckles) – All right, so let’s taste this thing. Slice it open.
– All right. You mind if I–
– Please. – Get an elbow–
– After you. It makes sense as far as
my participation goes. – Did you have fun though?
– That’s a $500 cut. – [Alex] Yeah I had a blast. – Oh yeah, okay and you’re gonna, yeah– – Four. – We each get our own section. – So is this–
– You could technically just leave that there ’cause
then you can have mine. – Yeah I’ll just take your part. You wanna look at me while I eat though? – Yeah, of course.
– Let’s open this up. Oh my goodness.
– Wow! – Look at that. – [Alex] Camera’s that way, Josh. – My cameras are this way, I wanna– – My two eye cameras.
– Oh my goodness. – There you go Rhett.
– Right here. – You wanna grab that one?
– That is very silly. This is a very silly sandwich. – It’s got so much heft to it. – Hold on, I know you’re
trying to sneak that tomato in there.
– Oh come on man. – It would have messed up
the balance if we didn’t. – There’s another one.
– Your balance is messed up now.
– I’m gonna leave that one. – All right let’s dink it. I wanna put this thing
in my mouth. (chuckles) – All right. Three-way dink it. – And sink it. Oh man, I got a little
mouth but I got big ideas. – This is nice for us. It looks good.
– Mm. I did not think that
an exorbitantly priced deli sandwich could be remarkably better than just the normal,
but it absolutely is. – This is the best beef I’ve ever had. – Mission accomplished, boys. – This comes out to about $500, that’s how the math works out? – [Josh] $500.77 which I actually– (Link chuckles) Took out–
– You failed! – The truffle–
(laughing) – You went over. – I think with Link
discarding that tomato, it’s probably–
– Yeah it’s probably right at $500.
– Yeah we’ll throw that in the trash.
– Well boys, you did an incredible job. – Equally, the both of us. – Alex, you know what, for your hard work. – Oh, just like old times. – You can have this, what
do you call that one? It’s not Carl. – This has gotta be like–
– Ephrem. – Ugly Ted or something. – Ugly Ted. (chuckles) – Okay remember that Josh
is gonna shave that mustache for a great charity called No Kid Hungry. So go ahead and donate to
ensure that that stache will be shaved, it needs to be shaved. – Mm-hmm.
– The link to donate is in the description and
the shaving will happen on an upcoming LTAT. – Thank you for liking,
commenting and subscribing. – You guys say you know what time it is. – Oh we get to. – On three, one, two– – [Alex And Josh] You
know what time it is. – Hi I’m Bella and I’m on
my lunch break from work in Burbank, California and it’s time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality. – Bella in Burbank,
right around the corner. – Lunch break Bella!
– I know where that is. – Click the top link to watch us make a $143 fancy Subway salad
using all of our fancy Subway scraps in Good Mythical More. – And to find out where
the wheel’s gonna land. Move at the speed of conversation with us. Subscribe to Ear Biscuits
wherever you listen to podcasts.